The Untitled Anguish

The mountains were covered in its perfect white tinge, hiding the comatose soil underneath it. The wind blew with its lethargic self, kissing her barely clad body slowly – embodying her scars, like mocking a carcass to relish real feelings. She could hardly feel the cold; her body was as numb as anything could, but oh dear, how does one rank numbness? She let her feet drag her forward into nihility, an equivocal illusion of her inner self- empty and feeble. Her skin had turned pale; she felt the snow beneath melting slowly. Too tired of everything around her, the hopelessness never seemed to leave.

She started to run, wanting an exodus. Like the unsaid words that must be told bottle up, trying to escape the cage. Like tears that might ease her up demand to be perceived, struggling to spurt out of her deep shallow eyes. Like the chest that impairs needs to be embraced and heart that races its ache needs be calmed. Like, like the person drowning hopes to be pulled up and the moon waits for the night to be cherished on. Like everything but still nothing. Gathered yet scattered. 
She wanted to break free.

         _________________________________________________

The van stopped suddenly. She hit the front seat with a thud. Agony ran through her left leg. Her face was burning then, she realized that she has kept it hidden on her lap for quite a time now. The mist on the glass window has by then broken into tiny droplets.

It rose like smoke. Dithering, then it flew away - but the words remained unsaid and the tears remained held. The chest impaired to numb and heart raced to a final pause. The person drowned to an ultimate death and moon still waited for its borrowed self.

She gasped and her lips turned into a smile. Levi Patel continued to knit the magical chords through her headphones. The journey wasn’t over yet.

Down The Vanilla Streets..

Wavering, it passed away.
   Pale young face, creased with worries, edged along the road. His hands trembled consciously, while the sound of nickels hitting the steel-cup got lost amidst the deadly horns. His life seemed traumatized with unseen bruises. His soul gathered in it, the whole universe, the unlit stars he wanted to reach, abyss path he wanted to cover. Suddenly, he started moving fast, and reached a man. “Sahib?” he spoke softly. “Sahib?” and the man turned, looked the child pryingly. “Sahib? Kuch..”
Anger flushed his face and he shoved him away. “Saahiib” and then a thrust followed. His foot slipped, fetched a heavy kick on a wall of a house and he froze, staring at the man leaving. He yanked a shuddering sigh, his mouth twisted; he rubbed his eyes with his soiled hands and sobbed. He laid down there hopeless, and an hour later he was sleep, maybe lulled by the sweetest hopes.
    Now and then, my teeth clamped on my lips. My mind wandered and jaws ached.  What on this earth are we doing? Staring at these angels battling to survive? Enjoining as their abilities viciously mutilate?
     Cowards, we are. Malice, we breathe. By boasting and daring each other, we can overcome our cowardice, and help with this aggravated problem. We can make a difference, if we promise to. We can help these little angels spread their wings, only if we want to. But the thing to muse is that it’s demanding.
     Every step, he inched, demanded; every tear that trickled, stipulated the right to live.  Have you ever seen such a despondent thing?
“Every life deserves a certain amount of dignity, no matter how poor or damaged the shell that carries it.”
 Rick Bragg, All Over But the Shoutin'

A little contribution to the A MORNING BIRD blog.
http://malodia.blogspot.com/
Here's the blog of the girl behind this idea. Maliha Naseer, people.

TANGLED.

So, she decided to sit on the rock nearby and let her stupid mind wonder again. That reddish color, her lips once wore, was fading by then. She knew, she had lost part of herself somewhere. Something was missing, she realized it but couldn't recognize. Her words that were meant to explain, couldn't reveal anything. Her brown eyes, that once had packed in them, all the elated moments, were vacant. She was stuck, her mind surrendered and she was blank, all over again.

Sometimes,the zenith and nadir of bliss and misery, made her wonder about the the darn life. Pain, she had always got, was now inseparable that she couldn't even remember if she ever smiled. She was afraid,just too scared of the demons hidden inside her. It seemed to her a deep well, full of water with no bucket to help. At times, she was so confused, just too depressed that she would feel herself drowned in a deep ocean, her being paralyzed and suffocating to death, while others had their cup of tea.

Dark, it always startled her and nightmares haunted her often. She would find herself in a labyrinth, walls enclosing in on her while her tiny self would be struggling for light.She was not just afraid of heights, it was that she was too troubled of falling. She hated being noticed, and the more she tried not to and the more she got. Crowds always seemed of  making fun of her. Her 16 year old being which was no more than a carcass had been called cheater, arrogant and disrespectful.The panicky rumors and gossips had always dreaded her and she couldn't pour her real self out.The only place where she could find solace was serenity of being alone. 

But she knew, there's someone with the same thing. It was just like, she was waiting for that bright lit star hidden amidst the darkness and stillness of night who'll unite with her diffused part and help her survive. The one who'll understand her complicated soul and value her hidden self. Then, she knew that the star deserved best and she was no more than a dumb, nerd girl. So, she wanted to fade away, gradually without being noticed for she was terrified of being broken, shattered into those pieces, she won't be able to gather back.

And it was quite weird, she started to cry. All of the sudden,she was tired, tired of everything.
Amongst the wildness, she wandered what it could be?
Her destination or just a start?

E.N.D.

That night she couldn't sleep. Memories haunted her, absorbing into her soul -each and every bit of it -slowly and gradually. Stars glowed with their most tragic look amidst the malevolence darkness of the sky. Tears trickled down her eyes, for her heart was as heavy as anything could. She couldn't stop, couldn’t hold herself.

She sat down, as she saw the bright lit candle shown its reflection in the window and vividly picture of herself, which she was unable to recognize. As she opened her diary, she started to write. Then, she stood up abruptly, tore the pages and started to yell. Every part of her body was aching then.

Sadness, she knew it was addictive, just like a drug, which would kill her up in the long run, with its most radical upshot. That she would have nothing at all, but just few reminiscences to live with. She found herself erased to that rubbed pieces no one ever wished to have. Life, it played again, cheated her, turned her just like autumn do to leaves, over which people love to walk ecstatically, enjoining, unaware of the stalwart pain.

Outside, wind started to blow and pushed the windows open. The candle snuffed out and there was absolute darkness. Amongst this obscurity, hallucinations found there way. “Die, useless creature!” Her parents told her, just because she failed them once again, another time. Soon, she started weeping breathlessly. Her eyelids went heavy. Dizziness surrounded and her body surrendered, lost its power and fell to the ground. An awkward silence arouse, as if the sky even grieved for her. She was dead.

She hoped that the things would turn the right way. She hoped that life would let her live but
these SCARS, these BRUISES, they were meant to be FOREVER.

STUCK.

Then the traumas hit the way, drive you insane and you're left alone. Solitude preoccupies you. Virtually, everything around you, turns against you. Your soul shatters to bits at every instance. Your nervous system overwrought when you allow yourself to get hurt with every small pain.People mock you at every stage. You are discouraged, your head is completely messed up and you want exodus.

That's when part of you summons up the remaining power, AND YOU KEEP ON MOVING FORWARD,possibly into nowhere.The numbness, that once has paralyzed your thinking ability starts to wash away. Your being is revitalized by a high pitch receptivity.

AND, you don't die. OBVIOUSLY, YOU DON'T.